Is 40 really too old to start over?
- Is 40 really too old to start over?
- Why your 40s are the best time to start over
- 10 signs that you are ready to start over in your 40s
- What does starting over in your 40s look like?
I’m sitting in a café with one of my closest friends. We’ve known each other since kindergarten.
Both of us are in our 40s now. We are married with kids, but something’s up with him. Even as we laugh about our past escapades, there’s something off.
“What’s up, buddy? I ask.
“I don’t know,” he replies. “It’s just…well. I feel stuck”.
He opens up. Nostalgia about the past is making him feel down. He has low energy, a lack of motivation, and anxiety about where he is.
It’s a shock. From the outside looking in, he has it all together.
Most of his concerns are related to work and feeling he should have achieved more than he has.
Then there is his health. Prioritizing work and family has resulted in his fitness taking a back seat in recent years.
He doesn’t know how to break some of the habits he has gotten stuck in.
“What can you do to change how you feel?” I ask.
“I don’t know. What can I do? I’m too old to start over.” he replies.
Too old? Is being over 40 too old to make significant changes to your life?
How often have you heard responses like this? Maybe you think the same too, and you’re wondering, is it possible to reinvent yourself in your 40s?
Why your 40s are the best time to start over
The dip in well-being in midlife is real, and for many, their 40s can be a challenging decade. But, yes, changing your life in your 40s is possible. There are a lot of practical benefits to transforming in your 40s.
- You will be hitting your stride in terms of reaching peak income.
- You will have a higher disposable income than other age groups, allowing you more freedom to pursue new interests. Making a change in your 40s is not necessarily the daunting task it may have been years before.
- You have lots of experience now; you’re more confident than at other periods of your life.
- You no longer need to prove yourself to anyone.
- You’ve been through crises before, which can give you the strength and resilience to handle significant transformations in your life in your 40s.
- In your 40s, your motivations will begin to shift. You are moving from deficiency (lack) motivations to growth motivations. You may already have your dream house or have achieved everything you want in your career. Now you are working from a sound financial base, and with experience, you are ready to realize your full potential.
Your 40s offer you an unprecedented opportunity for personal growth and change. It’s there for the taking.
10 signs that you are ready to start over in your 40s
Being in your 40s is an excellent time for reflection on where you are with your life and where you want to get to in the years ahead. There’s still time to make a change.
Think about how you are feeling. Is there a sense or feeling that something is missing?
Are you sitting at your corporate job desk thinking, “Surely there’s more for me than THIS?”
Or are you frustrated, bored, and tired way more than you used to be?
What about those weekend activities you used to love, but since you’ve had kids, you don’t have the energy, time, or will to do it?
These are the tell-tale signs that your life needs shaking up. Identifying these is the first step.
What does starting over in your 40s look like?
So you feel stuck, and you’re ready for change. You have the courage to take the first steps but wonder what you can expect from transforming over 40?
Author Joseph Campbell wrote about “The Hero’s Journey,” a common framework storytellers use. The Hero’s Journey is an excellent framework for helping explain the challenges of midlife transformation.
Stage 1 – The call to adventure
The call to adventure may drive you from inside. A feeling of frustration or pent-up energy, the need to make a change. Or, it may come about due to an external event impacting you, such as redundancy, an illness, or the death of someone close to you.
Whatever the driving force behind your call to action is, the starting point is to open yourself to new possibilities.
Rediscover yourself and what your interests are. What activities did you love earlier in your life? Why did you stop them? Would you love to start them again? Are there skills and experiences you’ve always wanted to try and learn?
Use this stage to explore all the options before taking the first steps to change.
This is your call to adventure.
Stage 2 – The Threshold – will you leap?
You now stand at the edge of the known and unknown, trying to decide whether to jump.
It’s comfortable where you are. You’re not happy and not fulfilled, but it’s comfortable. Do you really want to risk changing this? It’s safe.
Look for people to support you in taking the first steps. Asking friends or family for support or guidance may give you the confidence to take those first steps. Or, look beyond your social groups to training courses, coaching, and mentorship.
Try to find support from those that have made similar changes to the ones you desire to make so that you can benefit from their experience. Or find those already in your life that you know believe in you and want the best for you. Ideally, friends and family that know you have the tenacity and ability to achieve what you set your mind to.
These people and relationships will give you the confidence and self-belief to cross the threshold.
Stage 3 – The Challenges – step out of your comfort zone
After taking the first steps to make a mid-life change, you move from the known to the unknown.
You will face challenges around maintaining motivation. You might question whether you’ve made the right decision and have the skills, experience, or tenacity to continue.
You will be learning new skills and meeting new people. You will feel uncomfortable – well outside of your comfort zone. The challenges you face may highlight some of your most significant weaknesses. To transform, you’ll need to overcome these.
In mid-life, you also have more responsibilities. You might own a house, have children, or be responsible for elderly relatives. These factors may provide challenges to you in making the changes you want.
Internal blockers to change
Think about the internal stories you tell yourself and whether these are blocking you from transforming, e.g., “I’m too old to change” or “I don’t have the skills or experience to make this work.”
Challenge your internal narrative
Challenge these internal stories. Are they actually real? Is it fact or fiction?
External blockers to change
As you battle with your internal demons to make a change, you may encounter people who are not supportive or outright obstructive to you completing the change you want, such as friends, family, or even new work colleagues or clients.
When I made a significant change in my life, moving from a Corporate role to self-employment, I told everyone what I was doing. I was excited and wanted to share it. But the response was less enthusiastic than I expected, which shocked me.
Looking back, I regretted telling some people and wished I had been more selective over who I shared my plans with.
How to deal with unsupportive friends and family
Overcoming your fears is tough; taking the above steps will help you overcome these challenges and establish a support network to help you make the change.
However, no matter what steps you take, there will be a point in the change when you hit rock bottom.
When you think, “This just isn’t working,” you may feel despair and wonder whether you are doing the right thing and should continue.
Welcome to the Abyss.
Stage 4. The Abyss – ready to give up? Or will you face your fears?
At this point, there’s a choice. You can return to your comfortable yet unsatisfying life, risking a future of bitterness and frustration.
Or you can face your biggest fears and continue your journey toward transformation.
If you think you can’t return to your old way of life, then you have reached the point of no return, and you are ready to go all in to achieve your goal.
Stage 5. Transformation – the beginnings of a new you
So you’ve made it to the end. You’ve overcome your greatest fears and demonstrated tenacity and determination in adversity.
The old you has gone. The new, heroic you emerges.
You may have achieved all of your goals. Or, the plan may have changed along the way as you explored and found new paths.
No matter the result, you feel different now. You’ve proved to yourself what you are capable of and can reap the benefits of a new life.
Your experiences can now provide the base for future journeys of transformation, and you’ve picked up the wisdom to help others as they start their journeys.
But above all else, you’ve shown that you are living proof that you can start over after 40.
Wondering what qualities it takes to start over in your 40s? Check out our post What does it take to start over in your 40s?